Leaving

Walking away

Leaving it all behind

Refusing to be
the once silent doormat

Keeping the spine
refusing to back down

Intoxicating
the strength is
never to cast aside again

Never to say "yes"
when soul cries "no"

Never to be walked over
and abused

Shut the door
and turn the key
on that painful history

Not to shadow
a clean and bright future

Only to be known
when moved on and healed

I am healing and strong
not broken anymore

Hear me roar

Strength

Just personal rambling when I should be in bed.

~
~
~
~
~
~
~
~

I need to remember right now that I need to stay strong in what I believe is right. I refuse to be the doormat that I once was. I might stay here, but I might not. I will be back for sure for fall semester. If I see the people I know, then I'll see them, but I plan on moving forward. Forward is only direction left and the right direction at that. I'll miss the memories, but I know what I need for my personal health.

I've seen 78 out of 241 films

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films on this list, you have no life. Mark
the ones you've seen. There are 241 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your
own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x's next to the films
you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click
post at the bottom.

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At Worlds End
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
Total: 5

(x) The Princess Bride
( ) Anchorman
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 11

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
( ) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 11

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident Evil 1
(x) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 19

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
( ) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
(x) Robots
Total so far: 25

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
( ) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) KING KONG
Total so far: 27

(x) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 31


( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
( ) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 35

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
( ) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 37

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
( ) Ocean's Eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremacy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
(x) Curious George
Total so far: 42

( ) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 45

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
( ) The Terminator
( ) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 49

(x) X-Men
(x ) X-2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
( ) Spider-Man 3
(x) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
(x) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 60

(x) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
( ) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 63

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
( ) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
( ) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
( ) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
( ) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Total so far: 66

( ) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 67

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
(x) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
( ) Titanic
( ) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 69

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
( ) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian
(x) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld
Total so far: 72

( ) Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 72

( ) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
( )Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
( ) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 75

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
( )Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
( ) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal
Total so far: 78

Now Add them up and...

Put "I've seen… out of 241 films" in the subject line and repost it.

Tomboy

YOUR GUY SIDE

x You love hoodies.
x You love jeans.
x Dogs are better than cats.
x It's hilarious when people get hurt.
x You've played with/against boys on a team.
x Shopping is torture.
x Sad movies suck.
You own/ed an X-Box.
x Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
x At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You watch sports on TV.
x Gory movies are cool.
x You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.
x It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
x Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
x You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun
x Talk with food in your mouth.
x Sleep with your socks on at night

16

YOUR GIRL SIDE

You wear lip gloss/stick.
You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner.
You wear the color pink
x Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
x You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance?
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
x You love the movies.
x Used to play with dolls as little kid.
Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of every thing

4

So I'm a tomboy, what else is new?

P.S. I Love You.

1. Put your iPod on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 (or however many you want) friends who might enjoy doing this.






WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND(S)?
The Jean Genie - David Bowie

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Calling America - Electric Light Orchestra

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Building A Mystery - Sara McLachlan

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Thou Swell - Natalie Cole

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU GET ANGRY?
Hand In My Pocket - Alanis Morissette

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELF?
Me In Honey - REM Featuring Kate Pearson

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Some Like it Hot - The Power Station

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Bach: Cell Suite #5 in C Minor, BWV 1011- Gigue - Janos Starker

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Hitch a Ride - Boston

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Cursum Perficio - Enya

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Moody's Mood For Love - Queen Latifah

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH STRESS?
On A Tree By A River A Little Tom Tit (Oh Willow, Titwillow) - D'Oyly Carte Opera Company

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Save the Population - Red Hot Chili Peppers

WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS TAKE WITH YOU?
America - Santana Featuring POD

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
This Time - Neil Diamond

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Crazy [Acoustic Version] - Simple Plan

HOW DO YOU WANT TO DIE?
Cry Baby Cry - Beatles

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Humanity (World War Three) - Front Line Assembly

WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
Children Of The Moon - The Alan Parsons Project

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
The March Of The Kings/Hark The Herald - Trans-Siberian Orchestra

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?
Rock And Roll - Led Zeppelin

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Realization - The Art Of Noise

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Be Our Guest - Beauty And The Beast

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
So Right - Dave Matthews Band

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Video Crime - Tin Machine

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Mindtrip - Hot Toddy

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
The Big Issue - Chumbawamba

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Better Days - Philippe Kahn

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
P.S. I Love You - Bette Midler

Whew...I think

Ok, so life has been ... um, how to put it ... interesting. I guess that works. To put it in the words between a certain captain and pilot.
"This landing is going to be pretty interesting."
"Define interesting."
"Oh god, oh god, we're all going to die?"
Yes, if you don't know where that quote is from and the 10 second sequence it occurs in, you are a sad little person.
Anyway, I've spent the weekend with my family for the most part. Yesterday wasn't too bad. Mom and I were able to talk, which we haven't been able to do since I moved out. However, today kind of sucked. Mom and Dad had a disagreement. I don't understand how Taylor can live in that house without going crazy. I think she just ignores it so she can finish her schooling. She and I have a sister-sister date on Saturday. I don't know what we are going to do yet, but we're going to spend time together. I'm having a hard time believing that she'll be 16 in 4 months and 11 days. Yes, I'm counting, but really who cares other than me? Sometimes I think that I'm just the chicken-shit child and Taylor got all the strength. Oh well, it will serve her well for the path that seems to be her future.

As for the rest of my life, I went in for a check up and Mary is concerned about my rapid weight loss. She made me go up to the hospital for 4 vials of blood to be drawn. 2 for blood glucose test and 2 for thyroid levels. I've lost quite a bit of weight recently, and I'm always tired, hungry, thirsty, ect. Mary said as soon as she had the results, she would call me. I'm worried, but I can't do anything to rush them. I'm falling asleep here, so I'm going to bail and head to bed.

Ciao!

Poetry in Random Tangents

Flexible Ice
Warped and twisted,
Yet frozen in place,
Moving and still,
Liquid,
Yet solid,
Flexible Ice.


Heartbreak
Beat one two,
Pain being doubled
Beat one two,
Stabbed with a twist
Beat one two,
Broken like shattered glass
Beat one two,
Loneliness aches
Slowing
Building fortress walls
Beat one,
Less pain now
Beat two,
Knife removed
Beat one,
Mirror restored
Beat two,
Tranquility found in silence
Walls remain strong
Heart healed

Late Post

This was written Friday evening. I just finally got the chance to post it.

No results yet as per Grandma. She had some type of scan done on Thursday and we probably won't get any results until next week. Sigh! So now we hurry up and wait. We are going to go see a play at the Hale Center Theatre tomorrow. I hope things go well. I'm a tad nervous about the drive down, but Dad says that things should work out fine. We're going to go to Lee's for lunch and then down to SLC for the play. I'm currently waiting for the guys so we can play D & D. So, while I'm waiting, I'm going to share the latest prank on Matt. Last night, Matt decided that he wanted desert and that Angie's sounded good. Since it closes at 10 pm, we couldn't go there. So, we went to Village Inn instead. Anyway, Matt stopped by Aggie Village first to see if John wanted to join us. Alex and I said that we'd stay in the car, so Matt left us in the car and left it running. Insert evil grin here. :) Alex and I talked for a moment and then decided that we were bored. Since we were bored, we decided to move the car. So, I slid over to the driver's seat and moved the car over to the general parking for the area. After I moved the car, I turned it off and then we sat and waited for Matt. We had fun talking while we waited. After a while, Matt came back and when he couldn't find his car, he called Alex's phone. He started to freak out asking where we had gone with his car. Alex told him we were driving and that we'd be back in about 8 minutes for him. Then Alex said, "Oh here comes the cop, got to pull over." With that, Alex hung up. I was giggling so hard, I didn't hear the sirens in Logan, so I don't know if Alex heard them or not, but Matt did. He thought that we really were getting pulled over in his car. We waited for a moment and then honked the car horn. Matt realized that we had tricked him. When he got in the car, he was so pissed that he could really only splutter. Alex and I have decided that it was very entertaining. Anyway, the guys are ready to play now, so I'm going to go be bitchy Esma now.

Wowza!

Ok, lots of things have happened in my life since my previous entry. To make the novel of my life during the last six months, I’ll give a brief synopsis.

1) That day was my first day of belly dance, and so far I’ve continued dancing and I’m hoping to be moved up to the Intermediate Level next session. I’m using the skills I’m learning in BD on a daily basis, even if annoys my co-workers. I’m hoping to be able to perform in the Sandstorm in the spring.
2) I’ve dated Matt and then we broke up. (Due to yours truly)
3) I’ve moved out of USU housing and moved back into my folks place, moved out of my folks place and into a nice little apartment near campus.
4) I’ve lost my best friend due to yours truly being an absolute idiot. (Hopefully, she’ll give me a chance to redeem myself.)
5) I’ve started to learn D&D. Matt, Alex and I play on a semi-regular basis and so far I’m having lots of fun. My character has tendencies to rather aloof and rather like a bitch.
6) My grandmother is on Stage 3 of Kidney Failure. We will know more about her life expectancy on Thursday, I’m going to stay positive about it until I know more. I can’t do anything to fix it in the mean time.
7) I’m trying to straighten out the pathetic mess, I call a life.
8) I’m attending night school.
9) I’m watching my sister kick ass at her school and moving her schooling at a pace I’m envious of. She’s looking at graduating a year early, even with her school being idiotic.
10) My dad and I are the only ones that talking to each other on a regular basis. (See 4)
11) I’ve learned to shoot Grandpa’s .22 long rifle, lever action. My grouping is rather impressive for someone who hasn’t been shooting for long. I’m hoping to prove to Grandpa that I can earn the gun.

I’m going to post more on another day. Probably on Thursday, after I know about Grandma.

Ciao!

Stormy!

Ok, so it is cloudy here and it looks like it is going to rain soon. It rained really hard this morning and when I got off work, I was so happy to find that my car didn't get rained mud on. Having a white Crown Victoria makes dirty rain on your car very, very visible.

I'm off to my new class tonight with Taylor, so we will see if it is any fun.